


Just the way I want you

by PiecesFallingFromMe



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: Angst, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, Family, Reunions, Romance, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-22
Updated: 2016-11-01
Packaged: 2018-08-24 00:14:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 21,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8348635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PiecesFallingFromMe/pseuds/PiecesFallingFromMe
Summary: Oh yeah, some days it’s so easy,Sometimes I forget how much I want you back again.
  (Inspired by the song "If Only", by Dave Matthews Band)





	1. Chapter 1

“Who’s the new girl?”

Amelia sidled up beside Arizona at the nurses’ station in the ER, motioning across the room to where a tall, dark-haired woman in navy scrubs was talking to the chief.

“What?”

Arizona was focused on the tablet in her hands, swiping through the chart of a young patient, and she had no idea what the neurosurgeon was talking about.

“The new doctor? I thought you were on the board, don’t you have insider info about new hires and all that stuff?”

“The chief worries about new hires on her own – I know they’ve been looking for someone in ortho though, obviously, and there’s an opening in oncology–”

The blonde finally looked up from the chart, and followed Amelia’s nod toward the new person still chatting animatedly with Bailey. The woman was tall, with a short, stylish haircut – a _sexy_ haircut, Arizona couldn’t help but muse, shaved along the sides in a badass, rockstar kind of way – and she was…

“Oh my god.”

Arizona froze, eyes blinking in disbelief. She looked entirely different, but Arizona would recognize that body anywhere – from behind, from the side, from every which angle. There was no mistaking it.

“Is that _Callie?”_

Before Amelia could reply, the peds surgeon had handed over her tablet and found herself crossing the ER floor. Callie had been gone for nearly six months. She hadn’t mentioned anything about working on a case here – where the hell was Sofia? – and what had she done to her hair?!

Bailey stepped away just as Arizona approached, and Callie turned to come face to face with her ex-wife, a look of surprise colouring her face, along with a slightly sheepish smile.

“Arizona, hey…”

But whatever anger the smaller woman had been feeling immediately dissipated when she got her first glance of the brunette and her new look. She looked refreshed, and relaxed, and the new hair was absolutely _stunning_ on her – she was radiant in a way that Arizona hadn’t seen in a long, long time.

And holy hell, she was _hot_.

“Listen, I know you probably have a million questions…”

But Arizona just stared, blue eyes flickering up the other woman’s body. She shouldn’t look at her that way, she knew that, but she couldn’t _help_ it. 

“Sofia is with the Shepherds. We moved back this weekend and we’re staying there for a bit…I’m…” Callie hesitated only a moment as she met the gaze of her ex, “single again. Have been for awhile. And Bailey just gave me my job back. But not without making me interview against some guy from Boston, so it was all fair and square.”

Arizona was barely listening – her fingers itched to reach up and touch, to bury into the short swoop of hair and run over the soft shaved sides of Callie’s head. She opened her mouth to speak, but before any words came out, the brunette interrupted again, dark eyes meeting hers.

“New York was good. I gained…some perspective.”

“You cut off your hair.”

Blue eyes widened slightly – those weren’t exactly the first words she intended to say upon hearing that her ex and her daughter had moved home.

But Callie just laughed softly, reaching out to touch Arizona’s arm in an almost affectionate gesture.

“Yeah…I cut off my hair. I needed some change.”

“It’s…” Arizona smiled a little, overjoyed to see the other woman, no matter how much she wanted to fight it, “amazing. Change looks good on you.”

“How are you?”

Callie dropped her hand, slipping it into the pocket of her scrub pants as she studied the blonde a little. She looked…happier than the last time she’d seen her, almost two months ago on her last trip to New York. She looked beautiful.

“I’m…good,” Arizona smiled again, genuinely this time, “really good. I can’t believe Sofia didn’t spill the beans about this!”

“I made her pinky swear,” Callie couldn’t but laugh again, delighted at the surprise in her ex-wife’s voice, “and I’m really glad to be back. I…” she faltered slightly, her eyes softening as she gazed at the blonde, “yeah, it’s really good to be back. Are you…still seeing that professor, Andrea? How’s that going?”

The peds surgeon shrugged a little, slipping her hands into her own pockets.

“No, it didn’t work out.”

“I’m sorry…you seemed really happy when you talked about her last time…”

“I was. But things started to get serious and she wasn’t really into kids very much…” Arizona trailed off, a small smile tugging at her lips, “and I mean, me and Sofia are kind of a package deal, so.”

“Do you want to have dinner tonight?”

Callie blurted out the invitation, biting her lip a little as she reached up and ran a hand along the side of her hair. She couldn’t help but notice how the blonde’s eyes followed the movement…and she could feel a slight blush rising on her cheeks, secretly kind of pleased at the reaction.

“The three of us, you know. It’s been awhile.”

Arizona’s smile grew wider and she nodded immediately, already looking forward to the thought of spending the evening with her daughter and the beautiful woman in front of her. They’d grown closer, somehow, over the last six months – once the anger, and the hurt, and the bitterness over the custody ordeal had evaporated between them. The distance had been painful, but there was a new lightness in the air surrounding them now – a new sense of ease, of comfort…a new spark, almost.

Maybe change had been good for _both_ of them.

“Dinner would be great.” 

.

.


	2. Chapter 2

Arizona tucked Sofia into bed, smoothing the covers over her small shoulder as the girl let out an adorable, sleepy sigh. They’d come back to the house after dinner and watched a movie, and the six-year-old had been asleep in Arizona’s arms long before the final credits rolled, the excitement of an evening spent with both her moms finally wearing her down.

“DeLuca moved out?”

Callie glanced toward the open door of the now-empty bedroom on the main floor as they made their way back to the kitchen, and she saw the blonde give a slight shrug in response.

“After the whole Alex thing…there was a lot of tension between everyone at work. Andrew and I are still friends, but he just felt like he needed some space of his own." 

She smiled, eyes drawn to Callie’s profile again, and reached up for the wine glasses.

"Drink? It’s not that late yet.”

“That’d be great.”

Pulling a bottle of white from the fridge with a pointed look – knowing the other woman’s preference was red but that she could be persuaded to accept white – Arizona poured them each a glass and led them to the living room, settling into the corner of the couch at the same time Callie did, turning to face her way. Her gaze lingered a moment too long on the dark-haired woman, and a slight smirk tugged at the corners of Callie’s lips.

“You keep staring.”

“It’s just, you cut your hair. I mean, you cut _all_ of it. It’s gone.”

Settling into the couch cushions more comfortably, Callie looked on with a slightly amused expression.

“You said you liked it.”

“Oh I _do_. It’s just so different.”

On impulse, the smaller woman reached across the couch and raised her hand to brush against the soft, short shaved hair, her curiosity finally getting the better of her. She ran her fingers along it for just a moment before pulling back and biting her lip with a small smile. She most definitely liked it. It was sexy as hell, and if she couldn’t stop staring it was only because she found the other woman so incredibly beautiful – so radiant, even after everything they’d been through.

“I had a great time tonight,” taking a long sip of her wine, Arizona watched Callie over the glass, “I think Sofia did too.”

“That was the happiest I’ve seen her in ages, truthfully. She’s really missed you lately…”

A flash of guilt coloured dark eyes as Callie took a drink from her own glass, nearly draining it before she leaned aside to set it on the coffee table. 

“I’ve missed you too.”

The words were uttered softly, and Arizona glanced up in surprise as her ex-wife shared a long look with her across the couch. The brunette shifted closer in the small space, and before Arizona knew what was happening the glass was taken from her hand and Callie’s palms were cradling her cheeks as warm, soft lips met her own – their touch insistent and confident as fingers slipped into blonde hair and found purchase.

Arizona’s surprise was almost indescribable. Her reaction was delayed, the sensations running through her body both so familiar and _so_ different all at once. _Callie_ was kissing her, and that wasn’t something she’d ever expected to experience again in her lifetime. Callie, for her own part, was equally surprised at herself for being so bold – for diving in with barely a sign from the other woman, barely a hint of possibly remaining attraction. She’d been fighting it all evening though – fighting it almost since the moment she first saw her at the hospital. Arizona was _breathtaking_ , and the friendship they’d started to form over the last few months was suddenly no longer enough. 

The moment Callie pulled back a fraction, the moment she hesitated in the slightest after receiving no reaction at all, the blonde was spurred into action and her hands reached up to grip the collar of the other woman’s shirt, her lips returning the kiss with the same determination. 

The brunette quickly shifted again, needing no other encouragement, and she pulled Arizona back with her until the smaller woman was forced to straddle her lap, their bodies fitting together almost as though no time had passed at all. Not unlike a couple of teenagers, their kisses began to heat up in intensity as a tongue insistently sought entrance past the blonde’s lips, and somewhere between them a soft groan spilled over – the sound reaching through the fog in Arizona’s brain to make her realize what was happening. 

“Callie–”

Pulling back an inch, her voice slightly breathless, wide blue eyes addressed the ones in front of her.

“Don’t think.”

The low, husky voice of her ex murmured against her lips as Callie kissed her deeply again, and whatever caution Arizona was prepared to voice immediately flew out the window, the sound and the feel of the woman beneath her winning out over any logical thought. Her hands slid up over strong shoulders and the soft skin of Callie’s neck, and her fingers once again found themselves running over soft, short, dark hair – the barely-there strands like satin beneath her fingertips. She kissed without abandon, years of built-up tension finally finding a release, and her hand finally slid through the longer waves of dark hair, gripping it tightly as she pulled Callie to her. 

Within minutes, Callie’s hands had found the bottom edge of the blonde’s shirt and it was being pulled over her head, and Arizona released the silky hair in her grip only long enough to let it happen. Callie’s own shirt and bra quickly followed to the floor, and then the smaller hands were right back to their previous position. Her hold on dark hair was tighter than she knew Callie liked, but she found it nearly impossible to release as Callie resumed her determined exploration of her lips and her mouth, her kisses occasionally shifting beyond to trail along a pale jaw, or down a soft, bare neck to beautifully defined collarbones. 

It felt so right that neither of them could pull away, neither could put any thought into what consequences their actions might bring about. Truthfully, neither of them really cared.

It had been years since either of them had felt this connection – and as Callie lifted her ex-wife off her lap and laid her down on the couch, her own body covering the smaller one and her hand drifting lower along the silky skin of a toned abdomen – they both felt the crackling of electricity between them; the flow of energy from one body to another as the passion resurfaced with lightning speed. 

Change was good. But some things apparently _never_ changed. 

.

.


	3. Chapter 3

Callie woke early the next morning, pulled into consciousness by the slight jostle of the couch and the shifting of a warm body away from hers – the heat and the feeling of limbs tangled around her instantly missed as Arizona extricated herself from their tight embrace. The blonde perched on the edge of the cushions and slipped her prosthetic leg on, standing up and pulling her shirt over her head and her underwear on in silence. She turned back and adjusted the fleece throw over Callie’s body, her fingers slipping almost affectionately through a wave of dark hair, and Callie opened her eyes again to meet the blue gaze peering down at her.

Their eyes locked for a brief moment, and Arizona had to swallow back the wave of emotion threatening to spill from her lips. Instead, she picked up the other woman’s discarded clothes and folded them onto the coffee table, gathering up the two empty, long-forgotten wine glasses.

“You should go,” she spoke softly, “it’s early, but Sofia will be up in an hour or so.”

And that was not at all what Callie had expected to hear.

“Arizona…”

Sitting up, the blanket pulled around her, she looked at her ex-wife with a questioning expression – what happened last night had been a surprise to both of them, but one that the brunette had desperately needed; one she had tremendously enjoyed. She had assumed that went both ways. It had seemed like it.

But Arizona only looked at her again, her head tilting softly to the right before she replied.

“You should go, Callie. I’ll see you at work.”

And with that she disappeared, dropping the glasses off in the kitchen and then padding upstairs, her bare feet quiet against the hardwood steps. The early morning light filtered in through the large bay window of the living room, signaling the start of what Callie had thought would be the best morning she’d had in awhile – but instead the house fell into silence, the air still.

Perhaps she hadn’t assumed right after all.

 

*

 

“Andrew!”

A grin lit up Sofia’s face as she arrived at the hospital with her mother and spotted the young resident near the doctor’s lounge. Letting go of Arizona’s hand, she ran towards him and was met with a bear hug, her laugh ringing out as he lifted her several feet off the floor. The two of them had formed an easy friendship during the time he lived with them, and Arizona could only smile as she listened to the beautiful sound of her daughter’s voice greeting him again.

“Sofia! Whoa, are you taller? Look at you!”

He set her back down and grinned, tugging affectionately at her long ponytail.

“Guess what, Andrew!”

“What?”

“I live in Seattle again for always! I’m going to live with mommy!”

The young doctor glanced over at Arizona with surprise, and she just grinned and nodded, approaching behind them and sliding her arms around Sofia’s shoulders.

“She doesn’t start back at school until Monday though, so we’re going to have a little assistant on our peds rounds this morning.”

Holding his hand up for a high five from the little girl, Andrew just smiled, genuinely glad to hear that his friend – and former housemate’s – family was back home again. He was one of the few people who’d seen how Sofia and Callie’s move to New York had broken the blonde’s spirit, and she already looked happier than she had in the last six months – happier by far.

Arizona’s gaze shifted past the younger doctor as a familiar head of dark hair came into view down the hall behind him, the new hairstyle unmistakable as Callie walked out of the lounge, rolling up the sleeves of her lab coat.

Their eyes held each others’ briefly, and she stopped, just watching the blonde as she turned back to their daughter and leaned down to say something to her. The small brunette grinned in response, nodding her head, and Arizona’s former housemate headed off with her in the direction of the cafeteria, leaving the two woman alone. When their eyes met again, Callie smiled and headed toward her ex, trying to push down her feelings from the previous night. For the first time in her life…she couldn’t read Arizona at all, and it was unsettling in a way she hadn’t realized it would be.

“Do you have a busy morning? Meredith gave me their nanny’s number, said she wouldn’t mind coming to pick her up if she doesn’t want to spend the day at daycare. She can hang out with baby Ellis.”

“DeLuca’s on my service today, and I told her she could do rounds with us. I think she’ll be okay spending a few hours upstairs after – I’m done around 2 so I’ll pick her up then.”

Callie just nodded, pushing her hands into the pockets of her coat.

“Arizona…” she began softly, looking up to meet the blue eyes that were still studying her, “last night…”

“What time are you done today? You can’t have any surgeries scheduled yet.”

Interrupting her ex-wife casually, Arizona shifted her bag on her shoulder, brushing long blonde waves out of the way as she did. Callie’s eyes couldn’t help but follow the motion, the memory of a curtain of hair falling over her skin still very much at the forefront of her mind. It had been straightened last night, like the most perfect satin as it fell against her cheeks, and her stomach, and her thighs – like the finest silk as she’d run her hands through it, letting it slip between her fingers. Today it hung in loose waves around the smaller woman’s shoulders, Callie's  _favourite_ look. A look she’d missed.

“Uh…pretty early. I have a couple consults this morning and I’m working the ER until lunch. I’ll probably just spend the afternoon in the lab – Bailey said something about having to claim it back for ortho.”

The blonde laughed softly, having heard of the fights over her ex-wife’s turf after she’d left.

“I was thinking of taking Sof for MooShu ice cream this afternoon, if you want to join us. I know you love that place too.”

Surprised at the invitation, Callie regarded Arizona carefully.

“Are you sure? You don’t want to spend time just the two of you?”

Arizona shrugged, giving the brunette what could only be described as a friendly smile.

“If you want. Besides, you have to finish telling me about nurse crazy from New York Pres – I want to hear the end of that story.”

At the reminder of the tale she’d begun on the drive home from dinner last night Callie could only laugh, shaking her head with a grimace.

“Trust me, you really don’t.”

The smaller woman shifted her bag again, tucking hair behind her ear with a grin as she moved around Callie and turned to take a few backwards steps toward the lounge. She raised an eyebrow and her eyes brightened a bit, almost flirty in the way they sparkled.

Maybe. Or maybe simply amused. Yet again, Callie found it a little disconcerting that she couldn’t quite tell.

“You owe me.”

.

.


	4. Chapter 4

“This woman pursued you _that_ much, when she knew you had a girlfriend? I can’t believe she propositioned you in the middle of surgery!”

“And she left _nothing_ to the imagination. We were already broken up then, but still – reign in the crazy.  I’m pretty sure everyone in the room didn’t need to hear her allude to exactly what she wanted to do to me.”

Arizona looked up from the wine she was pouring and studied Callie for a moment. Their afternoon ice cream had turned into a walk down by the pier, and then into supper at Sofia’s favourite restaurant, and the little girl had easily convinced them both to go to the park afterwards and then come back to the house for another movie, turning what should have been an hour or two together into…an entire day. And it had been easy, truthfully. Neither woman had protested much because it made Sofia so happy, but any awkwardness between them dissipated almost instantly, their conversations throughout the day as comfortable as two old friends catching up after years apart.

“Wait, I thought this was shortly after you started there…when did you and Penny break up?”

A beat of silence passed between the two women and Callie diverted her eyes, her hand coming up to run along the side of her head, over short, clipped hairs. The truth was, her and Penny had been over a long time ago. Maybe even before she moved to New York, if Callie was honest with herself now. But she’d taken Arizona’s gift – she’d taken their daughter across the country, uprooted all their lives, and when the relationship she’d so desperately wanted ended barely two months later, she’d just…stayed.

“Like four months ago.”

The blonde nodded, filling the glasses and capping the new bottle of red she’d opened, and Callie could sense the tension mounting between them again.

“All the times we talked, Callie…and I talked to Sofia pretty much every day…you never mentioned anything. I thought you were happy over there.”

“I was.”

And there it was. Arizona gave her a half-hearted smile, pushing a glass across the island and taking a sip of her own. Callie _had_ been happy in New York…even without Penny. She’d been happy away from Seattle, and away from Arizona. Maybe that was all she’d really wanted in the first place – an escape from _them_ , from a place steeped in their history.

“Arizona – I don’t mean – “

Almost as if she could sense the words Arizona was biting back, Callie took the glass and looked over, trying to meet her ex-wife’s eyes.

“I just mean I _was_ still happy, after that. Despite that. I had a lot of time to myself and it wasn’t a bad thing.”

“Yeah I had a lot of time to myself too, without our daughter here.”

The words came out with more snark than Arizona intended, but she just took another sip of her wine – wishing she had opened a white instead – and headed toward the living room. She’d sent Callie to New York so she could be with her girlfriend – so she could be happy, so she could finally move on. She’d given her blessing to take Sofia, made the hardest sacrifice she’d ever had to make in her life, for what? Even if it ended up only being six months, that was six _months_ of her daughter’s life she’d missed out on. Six months she’d never get back. And the relationship hadn’t even been strong enough to survive.

“Arizona—hey, you can’t do that. You can’t be mad at me now, you _told_ me to take her.”

Following the blonde into the living room, Callie came to stand in front of her and ran a hand through her hair, fingers nervously mussing up the longer strands. Arizona’s gaze tracked the movement, the blue of her eyes deepened with emotion, because despite herself – despite how annoyed she suddenly was with the other woman – the memory of the night before refused to leave her mind. The memory of her own hands in that hair; the memory of gripping the brunette to her, holding her in place as they brought each other pleasure over and over again.

“I told you to take her so you could go and be with Penny! But what, just being with Sofia and being away from me was all you needed?”

Callie dropped her hand, narrowing her eyes a little as Arizona set her glass down and rose from the couch.

“Why did you tell me to go, Arizona? You didn’t have to.”

“You were miserable here, and you made it very clear—“

“I made it clear I wouldn’t leave without our daughter, but that’s all I _ever_ said. And that wasn’t your problem, _you_ had a choice. So why did you tell me to take her, then?”

Callie could feel her heartbeat pounding in her chest, from more emotions than she cared to name, and she watched as Arizona mirrored her previous movement – running a hand back through her long hair in frustration. It was a habitual move of hers, a move that Callie recognized from years spent arguing with the other woman. Years spent watching her think, watching her work, watching her stress out over things. The soft blonde waves fell back around her shoulders and she tilted her head back with a slight twitch of her jaw, a reply ready to burst forth.

“Because I wanted you to be happy! God, Callie. All I wanted was for you to be happy because I—“

The shorter woman cut herself off, eyes darkening as she met her ex-wife’s gaze. Callie could do nothing but stare at her, knowing exactly what she’d been about to say – _because I love you._ It was exactly what she’d pieced together six months ago when Arizona had made the ultimate sacrifice for her, what she’d struggled to understand, what had broken her heart and started to mend it all at the same time as she moved on to her new life across the country. It was what had driven a wedge between her and Penny. What had finally broken them apart and let Callie see that their relationship was _nothing_ in comparison to the relationship she had with Arizona. Nothing in comparison to what she had suddenly realized the blonde woman still felt.

She took a step forward and her hands were grasping at blonde hair, her lips capturing Arizona’s in a heated kiss before either of them could say another word. She didn’t know if Arizona regretted last night, but all she knew was that she did not – not even a little. She needed more.

Arizona let out a breathy gasp and Callie took the opportunity to deepen the kiss, nipping at the soft lip under hers before the blonde pushed back, her tongue seeking entrance to Callie’s mouth and her hands reaching up to capture the back of the brunette’s head, pulling her close. The feel of strong, capable fingers caressing her neck sent a shiver down Callie’s spine – it lit a fire within her, and as she continued to kiss the woman in front of her a low groan sounded from deep in her chest.

Arizona’s hands were everywhere – trailing down her neck, grasping at her arms, finding their way down to grip Callie’s waist and slip underneath the fabric of her shirt. Her kisses were insistent and almost ferocious in their intensity, and as she pulled back for a breath she grasped at the front of Callie’s jeans, stepping backwards toward the stairs and pulling her along.

It was reminiscent of another time; another life. It was almost an innate reaction – tensions running high between them, the heat of the moment making them lose control in the most delicious way.

It was more exciting than _anything_ they’d experienced with other people.

And so they went.

.

.


	5. Chapter 5

They navigated the stairs to the upper level of Arizona’s house, kisses stolen along the way and hands grasping for purchase anywhere they could, but as they bypassed Sofia’s bedroom Arizona caught her breath long enough to reach out and quietly pull the door closed. The last thing she needed right now was their six-year-old daughter to wake up and find mommy kissing mama – that was a whole can of worms she was  _not_ prepared to open. She led Callie down the hall into her own room and shut the door behind them, pulling the other woman against her body. Her hands immediately traveled up a strong, bare back as she pulled the brunette’s shirt off, and she pressed herself in close, trailing hot, wet kisses along the length of her neck.

Callie felt a shiver run through her body again, igniting every fiber of her being with desire, and she smiled, running her hands up through soft blonde hair. She tugged at Arizona’s shirt collar and her fingers found their way to the buttons on the front, fumbling and pulling them open until she could slide her palms over her ex-wife’s pale skin.

Arizona had the  _softest_ skin. Callie had always been obsessed with it, obsessed with touching her, with idly tracing patterns along her arm or her thigh or her stomach. She’d spent years mapping that skin, memorizing every freckle and scar and birthmark, and as she touched her again – for the second time in two days – she was flooded with memories of every time she’d been here before. She hadn’t realized just how much she’d missed it – how much she’d missed  _Arizona_ – and now she knew she could, and would, become addicted again in the blink of an eye.

As her hands roamed the bare expanse of Arizona’s sides, thumbs smoothing under the curve of her breasts, the smaller woman let out a groan of frustration and stopped kissing her long enough to reach behind and remove the only material left in Callie’s way. Because as much as Callie loved touching her, Arizona loved being touched by Callie. The taller woman could only hum in pleasure as soft skin was revealed, her hands furthering their exploration, and she immediately pulled the blonde closer and blazed a trail of kisses along her perfect collarbone, following up the side of her neck and around her ear.

“You’re so hot.”

She murmured the words in Arizona’s ear and flicked her tongue out over the delicate skin, following with a nip of her teeth as she ran her fingertips down the curve of a spine. The blonde sucked in a deep breath at the sensation and cupped Callie’s cheeks, pulling her in for a fiery kiss yet again. There was no one in this world who could do the things that Callie did to her – no one could compare; not past, present, or future. Arizona didn’t know what she was doing, letting herself fall into the brunette’s arms again, but she couldn’t bring herself to stop. She would never be able to bring herself to stop.

She moved her hands to the jeans on her ex-wife’s hips, opening the button and lowering the zip in a fluid motion, and as Callie groaned into their next kiss – the sound vibrating through Arizona’s chest – her fingers found their way under black cotton to sink into a silky wetness, and Callie’s body readily tightened around her, soft and pliant and warm.

“You’re so wet.”

The words slipped from Arizona’s lips in a breathy whisper as her fingers curled deeper into the brunette, and she received no response other than a ragged breath as the brown eyes before her slammed shut, the hands in her hair tightening their grip. She trailed kisses along Callie’s jaw and the curve of her ear, her teeth scraping over a tanned earlobe and biting a little roughly. Her ex-wife’s body reacted accordingly – as she knew it would – and Arizona lowered her voice as she removed her fingers and gripped Callie’s waist instead, pulling her toward the bed behind them.

“You can pull my hair later.”

 

*

 

A sheen of sweat covered both their bodies. Purple sheets tangled around them haphazardly and the smell of sex hung in the air, the only sounds in the otherwise quiet bedroom the heavy breathing of each woman as they slowly let their heart rates return to normal. Callie had a leg curled around Arizona’s, and her head rested just below the other woman’s breasts, feeling the rise and fall of her chest as her fingers stroked lazily through Callie’s shortened hair. She knew it was an absentminded motion, one born out of habit, but she liked it all the same – and she pressed her face to the heated skin under her with a content sigh, her lips pressing a light kiss to the blonde’s sternum.

The sex had been fantastic.

It had been more than that – it had been incredible, mind-blowing, life-affirming. Neither of them could recall the number of times they’d brought the other to a high over the last few hours, but it had certainly been even more than last night – more than either had experienced in quite some time.

Arizona tugged affectionately at the dark hair between her fingers, smoothing her fingertips down along the side of Callie’s temple. She turned her head to glance at the clock on the bedside table and let out a sigh, the same hand coming up to rub over her exhausted eyes.

“It’s nearly 3 a.m.”

Callie just chuckled softly, stifling a yawn against the smaller woman’s rib cage.

“What, so are you going to kick me out now?”

She was met with nothing but silence, and after a moment she shifted her body, leaning up on her elbow until she could see Arizona’s face in the dim light.

“Arizona.”

“You shouldn’t be here when Sofia wakes up. It’ll just confuse her.”

Reaching for the sheet, Arizona pulled it up over herself and sat up, running a hand back through her hair to push it away from her face. Her loose waves from earlier in the day were in disarray, curlier now from the heat and the sweat and the hands that had spent the last several hours playing with them. Callie couldn’t help but let her gaze linger, even as an awkward silence descended upon them – because she was convinced that Arizona was even more gorgeous now than when they’d been married.

“We can…just tell her I came over early to have breakfast with you both.”

“She’s almost seven, Callie. She’s not stupid.”

Closing her eyes and rubbing a hand across her face, Callie sat up as well and pulled the other half of the sheet toward her. Arizona was actually kicking her out of bed, in the middle of the night. Sleeping with her and then sending her on her way as if she was any other random date or hook-up, not a person who she had nearly a _decade_ of history with, who she had a _family_ with.

“Fine, I’ll go.”

She climbed out of bed and started gathering her clothes, pulling them back on as she allowed herself another glance toward her ex-wife. Arizona was sitting up on her side of the bed as well, pulling on one of the soft tank tops she slept in, and Callie just watched as the smooth skin of her back disappeared under dark blue cotton. She slipped her prosthetic leg on and stood up, pulling on a pair of shorts, and Callie just let out a soft sigh as she dressed herself – what had happened to them?

“I know Meredith’s place isn’t far, but I’ll call you a cab.”

“It’s like five blocks, Arizona – it’s fine.”

But Arizona picked up her phone from the pocket of her discarded jeans and gave her a look.

“I’m calling you a cab.”

Ten minutes later they stood downstairs in silence and watched as a lone car pulled up outside the house, the glow of the taxi sign signalling Callie’s ride was here. She shouldered her bag and opened the door, brown eyes meeting blue as she paused on the threshold, unsure of exactly how she was supposed to end their night of…whatever this had been. And she truly didn’t know what it had been – but then again, Arizona wasn’t sure she knew either.

“Goodnight, I guess…I’ll pick Sofia up tomorrow after work.”

The blonde woman nodded, crossing her arms over herself as a slight chill from outside permeated the air. She gave Callie a small smile, reaching out to fix the collar of her jacket, and after her fingertips lingered just a second too long on the brunette’s skin she pulled back quickly, her eyes and her face betraying the emotions she was trying to internalize. Arizona was an expert at keeping emotions at bay – but Callie knew her. She knew everything about her.

“Goodnight, Calliope.”

.

.


	6. Chapter 6

The next time Callie saw Arizona, it was three days later at the hospital and she was standing at the coffee cart in the front lobby, talking to one of the peds nurses as she waited for her drink. She’d _seen_ the blonde – flitting around the ER and the surgical ward, but their schedules had both been busy, and even when she picked up Sofia at the house the other evening she’d been met by DeLuca babysitting – the two of them in the middle of a serious game of Battleship because Arizona had been called back to work.

The peds surgeon threw her head back and laughed, and the sound carried across the room to Callie’s ears. It was like catching your favourite song on the radio in the middle of a crowded grocery store, and it immediately brought a smile to her face. She’d always loved Arizona’s laugh – it was carefree and happy and her whole face would light up, blue eyes brightening and dimples making an appearance. Their daughter might not share her DNA, but she shared that laugh – a miniature, dark-haired version of her mother whenever she giggled over a bad joke or one of her favourite cartoons. Sofia was a lot like Arizona, and Callie hadn’t truly realized until it was just the two of them in New York. Until she started seeing her ex-wife in the way their little girl talked, and smiled, and even in the way she brushed her teeth before bed – something the blonde and her had always done together when they still lived in the same house. 

And it had been like a punch to the gut when she thought of how she’d treated Arizona during their custody hearing. How she’d let her lawyer treat her. How she’d let it be insinuated, even for the briefest moment, that Arizona was somehow not a good mother – not Sofia’s _real_ mother. Because that was like saying the sky isn’t blue, or that water isn’t wet. It was simply not possible.

They’d swept that all under the rug – Callie having awkwardly brought it up and apologized during one late-night phone call across the country – and they’d moved past it, but still. Arizona had told her that she could get over feeling guilty, that they were okay, but it still broke the brunette’s heart to think about it.

The girl at the coffee cart handed Arizona her cup – plain coffee with milk and a shot of vanilla, Callie knew – and the blonde woman turned to leave, catching her eye. She smiled, and Callie couldn’t help but smile back, walking toward her through the throng of people milling about.

“Hey,” she slipped her hands into the pockets of her lab coat as she approached, “haven’t seen you in a few days. Busy week?”

“Insane.”

Arizona took a sip of the coffee and sighed gratefully.

“I have a mother upstairs six months pregnant with triplets. They _all_ needed surgery yesterday. Three very, very tiny humans in a crowded room. It’s still pretty touch and go…I stayed here last night with them, but hopefully.”

“I don’t know how you do it. You’re incredible.”

Dark eyes widened as the words slipped out unexpectedly, and Arizona glanced at her, giving her a small, tired smile in response. She certainly hadn’t heard words like that from her ex-wife in awhile, in relation to her surgical skills or anything else. She wasn’t sure how to take the tone of Callie’s voice – and the way she looked at her just then, her eyes conveyed something the blonde wasn’t sure she knew how to interpret anymore. They’d shared an incredible night earlier in the week, and Arizona couldn’t deny the pull she felt in the other woman’s presence. She’d forced herself to move past it when Callie left for New York, told herself that she just had these lingering feelings because she hadn’t let herself open up to anyone else – but even when she’d been with Andrea, when she’d been _happy_ with her new girlfriend, it hadn’t ever been the same. 

And she still didn’t know what it meant, Callie being back here in Seattle. Callie being back in her life, being friends with her again. _Friends_. As if that word could ever describe the complexity of the relationship between them.

Callie let her eyes roam over her ex-wife’s face, taking in the look of contemplation and the obvious tension in her posture, and her fingers itched to touch…to reach out and smooth away the smaller woman’s worries and stress. She’d come to realize since the other night just how much she wanted Arizona, and not just physically. She wanted _everything_ – every part of her back again. She didn’t know if she’d ever be able to have it, but she found it was all she could think about. 

“Are you busy right now?”

She questioned the blonde and received a slight shake of the head in response.

“Not for a bit.”

Callie couldn’t hold back – her need to touch the other woman far too strong to ignore. She brought a hand up almost instinctively and lightly touched the small of her back, her palm laying flat, feeling the warmth of the body beneath it. Arizona tensed slightly, but almost immediately relaxed, and Callie could only smile as their eyes met.

“Come with me.”

 

*

 

“Callie…”

Arizona’s voice was breathy and low as she pulled back from a searing kiss, her eyelids fluttering shut for a moment as her fingers stroked through short, dark hair. They’d found the fifth floor on-call room empty, and although Callie’s honest intentions had simply been to talk, and let the peds surgeon rest uninterrupted for awhile, the minute the door had been locked behind them she’d turned to see Arizona looking at her and that was all it took for her to lose control. That blue-eyed gaze was like a magnetic force, drawing her in, making her feel things she hadn’t felt in _years._

 _“_ I just…”

Callie swallowed hard, fumbling for words, and instead of finishing her sentence she just leaned in again and pressed her lips to the soft ones in front of her, kissing Arizona with a little less heat than a minute earlier, but no less passion.

“Come here.”

She took Arizona’s hand in hers – the first time she’d held her hand since they got divorced – and led her to the small bed in the corner of the darkened room, nudging her down gently and sitting beside her. She cupped a hand around the curve of the smaller woman’s jaw and kissed her again, and Arizona sighed softly into it, her fingers gripping the edge of Callie’s lab coat. She laid back, shifting her legs onto the bed, and pulled Callie with her until the brunette was hovering over her, a fire burning behind brown eyes as they darkened slightly. No other words were spoken, and Arizona just slid a hand around her ex-wife’s neck and brought her down into a once-again heated kiss, her tongue seeking entrance just as the other woman granted it.

Callie was addicted – there was no denying it any longer. The taste of Arizona, the feel of her, the small moans of pleasure that left her throat…Callie would never be able to resist it. She thought she’d gotten over it, it had been literal years without this woman. And things had been easy with Penny, it had been easy to forget all of this, or to almost forget it – to let herself believe she had. But the truth, she knew now, was she had never forgotten. She couldn’t.

Her hand slipped under a navy scrub top to find warm, bare skin, and she traced simple patterns along Arizona’s abdomen as they kissed, losing a little bit more control as Arizona let out a low groan, arching up to the touch. The brunette leaned up, her eyes burning into the ones below her, and she began to shift down over the smaller body, her fingers pulling the tie of scrub pants loose. Arizona felt a shiver go down her spine and all she could do was lift her hips for Callie as the other woman tugged cotton and silky fabric down her legs, blazing a trail of kisses down the sensitive skin of her stomach, and then along the juncture of her thigh, her breath warm in the cool air of the room.

She was in trouble. Callie had been back in Seattle for a week, and every time they were in the same vicinity they were all over each other, the electricity between them too much for either woman to ignore. And it was more than a sexual energy, more than the purely physical attraction she’d always felt for the dark-haired woman – she couldn’t pretend it wasn’t. She didn’t know what they were doing; she didn’t know if she _wanted_ to be doing it…to be heading down this road again, this road that had led to such incredible, soul-crushing heartbreak.

But _god_ , she wanted Callie.

And maybe that would be enough. 

.

.


	7. Chapter 7

Arizona awoke to the feeling of a warm body pressed against her back and an arm wrapped around her midsection, fingers curled lightly around hers where they rested on the small mattress. The room was quiet, aside from some muffled movement in the hallway outside, and she could hear Callie’s soft breaths as they danced across the back of her neck. The other woman had clearly fallen asleep too after their quick and dirty coupling earlier, and in the small space the on-call room bed afforded, they’d wound up tangled together – whether consciously or not, Arizona wasn’t really sure.

It was an intimate embrace – almost too intimate for the way they’d been acting lately – but Arizona just let out the soft breath she realized she’d been holding, her body completely and utterly relaxed. It was this that she missed the most – that she’d always missed. The sex with her ex-wife had always been incredible, even when their marriage was on the rocks, or when she was still self-conscious after the amputation. The sex had always been fun, and passionate, and heated like nothing else she’d ever experienced – but it was the moments after, and between, and the moments that didn’t involve sex at all, that Arizona had truly loved more than anything. 

Because they weren’t moments she’d ever really had with anyone else, not until the feisty ortho surgeon came into her life and irreversibly changed it. Arizona had been in love before Callie, but she’d never been in the same _kind_ of love; not the kind that changed a person forever, that made their soul ache in its absence. No, the love she’d had with Callie had been a different thing entirely – the kind of thing you experienced once in a lifetime, if you were lucky.

She’d never been a big cuddler, or one to revel in simple things like holding hands and snuggling on the couch; never one for the constant touching and arms around shoulders and sharing pillows in bed. Callie had changed that though – had made her crave those moments, made her need them like she needed air. And as Arizona lay there with the brunette’s arm securely around her, she felt – for the first time in years – a sense of contentment that she’d almost forgotten could exist.

She closed her eyes again, allowing herself a little longer before the other woman would inevitably wake up, and she let herself forget that they were no longer a couple. For a minute, she let herself forget that Callie was no longer her wife, no longer hers to hold, and she just let the feeling of comfort wash over her – let her memories bring her to a happier place.

It was foolish, she knew. It was foolish to pretend that what they were doing was anything more than a release of sexual tension, anything more than the product of the raw magnetism that just always simmered between them. It couldn’t be, because they couldn’t go down that road again. They’d traveled it so many times and it had always ended in disaster, and Arizona had no reason to believe they could ever make a successful journey, even if they wanted to. And there was so much more at stake now, there was a child old enough to feel her own heartbreak – to understand emotions like she hadn’t really been able to the last time they’d broken apart. It had been a small blessing then, the only thing Arizona was remotely grateful for, because Sofia had never really been hurt in the process of their divorce. She barely remembered them together as a family and so what they had now was simply normal for her – and if there was one thing the blonde would never be prepared to do, it would be to risk her little girl’s happiness.  

“Mm.”

A quiet murmur from behind her sounded in her ear, and Callie let out a sleepy sigh, yawning slightly and muffling it against Arizona’s hair. She stayed wrapped around the blonde for a few moments, and then as if realizing what she was doing the hand over Arizona’s quickly let go and the arm slid from around her waist. Her warmth was immediately missed, but Arizona let out a soft sigh and ignored the feeling, and pretending she had just awoken as well she turned her head to glance back at her ex-wife.

“How long have we been in here?”

Callie rubbed at her eye, lifting her wrist to glance at her watch.

“Like two hours. Not that long.”

Arizona closed her eyes again and rolled onto her back, bringing her into closer proximity with the brunette who still laid on her side behind her. She felt Callie’s hand land on her stomach and could sense how close they were on the single pillow – probably closer than they should be when they could both consciously move away – but she made no movement to get away, to remove herself from the situation.

“I needed that…the sleep,” she sighed, eyelids fluttering open to reveal vibrant blue, “thank you, Callie.”

“Someone has to take care of you,” Callie smiled, a teasing lilt to her voice, “I know how you get sometimes with your patients.”

Arizona just studied the other woman, her eyes traveling over Callie’s upturned lips and deep, endless brown eyes. She looked like the Callie that Arizona had first seen in this hospital – like the Callie she’d fallen in love with all those years ago. She seemed younger, somehow, and unburdened, her eyes sparkling with a radiance that Arizona found simply breathtaking. She’d lost that somewhere, over the last few years they’d been together – and apart – and Arizona hadn’t truly noticed until she was back and standing in front of her in the ER the other week, looking like a brand new woman. Arizona hadn’t truly noticed it slipping away…which, in hindsight, had been part of the problem to begin with.

Callie’s brow furrowed a little as Arizona silently watched her, and she brought a hand up to smooth back her slightly sleep tousled wave of short hair. She had never intended any of this to happen today when she guided her ex-wife up to the empty on-call room, she honestly hadn’t. She’d simply seen the exhaustion on the other woman’s face and wanted to provide her with some rest, with a chance to recoup – she worried about Arizona, even though it may not be her place anymore.

“I should…I should go, shouldn’t I.”

She watched as Arizona let her eyes close again, a soft, tired sigh escaping her chest. The hand that had landed on the smaller woman’s abdomen shifted a bit, her thumb absently rubbing circles over the navy cotton, and she waited. For what, she wasn’t sure, but she knew she would only move if she was asked because as fleeting a moment as this may be – it was one Callie wanted to capture.

“They always make me think of Sofia.”

When she finally spoke, her voice was soft and quiet, and her eyes opened again to stare at the ceiling above them.

“The babies. The mothers; the ones in my OR. They all make me think of Sofia.”

Callie watched her face, her thumb stilling its movement.

“We were so lucky.”

“It was for her, you know,” Arizona’s eyes flickered over to meet the dark ones beside her, “why I did all this. I mean…it was for _me_ , but it was because of her. If I had been trained back then…if I had had the skills…”

She brought a hand up to rub her face, letting out a sigh.

“Maybe she wouldn’t have had to be born that day. Maybe I could have kept her inside you, let her grow and be safe for a little longer…saved her the operations and the struggle in that NICU.”

“Arizona…”

Callie pulled the blonde’s hand away from her eyes.

“Sofia turned out perfectly. They wouldn’t have let you operate on me anyway…they barely let you help her as it was, and from what I heard only because you refused to let Alex touch her and forced your way in. You were family, you were her mother.”

“They would have _had_ to, Callie, if I was a maternal-fetal surgeon. They would have had to and we wouldn’t have had to wait for Addison. Because technically, then, I was nothing.”

A silence descended over the two women, and Callie instinctively brought her hand up to cup a soft, strong jaw. She traced her thumb along the other woman’s cheek in a familiar, intimate way, and she squeezed her eyes shut – the idea that Arizona could ever have felt that way causing her heart to clench painfully in her chest. She knew that Mark had yelled it at her in a fit of frustration, in the middle of the hospital, and although she’d never quite forgiven him for that…she never thought her ex-wife had truly believed it either.

“You have never been nothing. Not to me, and not to our daughter. You were _everything_.”

Her last words tumbled out softly and she immediately wanted to take them back – worried that she’d said too much, that it was too soon. But Arizona didn’t seem taken aback, and she didn’t flinch away. She simply nodded, and then let out a heavy sigh as her pager bleeped to life in the shadows beside them. She rolled away, reaching down to silence the device in her discarded lab coat, and she glanced at the screen before shifting to sit up.

“I have to go. Triplets.”

Callie pushed herself up too, straightening her scrubs as the peds surgeon shrugged on her white coat and pulled her hair back into a ponytail.

“That’s how I do it, Callie. I think of what our lives would be like without Sofia and…” she shook her head a little, a smile gracing her features as she thought of the little girl, “if I can spare another parent ever having to think of that…”

She shrugged lightly, and this time the smile she tossed the other woman illuminated the entire room. It felt good to talk to Callie – to be with Callie – as much as Arizona wished she could deny it. It would be simpler if she could deny it…but then again, things had _never_ been simple between them.

“That’s how I do it.” 

.

.


	8. Chapter 8

They fell into a sort of pattern over the following month, although neither one of them would acknowledge it. Their behaviour continued on as it had been, the energy between them constantly simmering just below the surface, and they simply accepted that this was how they were going to be; this was their new normal.

They met in on-call rooms almost as much as they did when they were dating, sometimes only a meeting of eyes down the hallway all the invitation they needed. They went for drinks after work and inevitably ended up in Arizona’s bed…or one of their cars, if they were feeling impatient. They went out for a family dinner at least once a week and came back to the house for movies, and sex always seemed to happen once their daughter went to sleep. Neither of them went on any other dates, and neither of them cared, but although Callie slept over two or three times – always making sure to leave before Sofia was awake – she still mostly slunk away in the middle of the night and it was never mentioned again. None of it was mentioned, not until the next time they’d meet and fall into each others’ arms.

And they fell _often_.

Callie still wasn’t sure how to read the other woman though, if she was honest with herself. It was frustrating to no end, because when they were married, she could read Arizona like a book; she was one of few people who truly could. Even before they were married – even _after_ , and when they were fighting and battling for their daughter and sitting outside on courthouse benches, she’d always had a read on Arizona’s emotions. They’d always shared that connection like it was innate, but somehow…she had now blocked herself off from Callie in every way except the physical. The sex was fantastic – mind-bending, almost hotter than it had ever been – the emotional connection was _there_ during sex but then gone a half hour later, as if Arizona had developed the power to flip a switch when it came to being with Callie.

And Arizona had, in a way, because every time they shared an intimate moment or a conversation in bed, it led her to think of all the things she truly wanted to say to her ex-wife. All the things she wanted to say, but that she knew she shouldn’t, knew she _couldn’t._ But she couldn’t help but think about telling Callie all the ways she had missed her over the years. About telling her how much she wanted them to be together again, to be a family. About admitting that she still _loved_ her, that she always had; that she was every bit as in love as she’d been when they’d spoken vows at their wedding.

She wanted to tell Callie that she was the love of her life. But she couldn’t help thinking that, despite what was happening between them, she wasn’t the love of hers.

And so she said nothing. She escaped their easy moments of intimacy before they had a chance to become anything else, because anything else…might be too much for both of them.

 

*

 

“Hey, are you busy tonight?”

A familiar voice sounded from behind her, and Arizona turned to see her ex-wife approach, slipping on the worn leather jacket that Arizona had always loved. She was dressed in her street clothes, as was the blonde, and although they’d made no plans for the evening it seemed almost fated that they were both done work at the same time.

“Oh, yeah,” Arizona shifted her bag on her shoulder, raising an eyebrow, “big night, tonight. I have laundry waiting at home and the thrilling remnants of Sofia’s baking experiments from yesterday.”

Callie laughed, her eyes sparkling as she grinned at the blonde. She’d heard all about the ‘cookie incident’ when she picked the little girl up from school, and she couldn’t help but be amused by the image of Sofia and Arizona attempting to bake…well, anything. Cooking was one thing, but baked goods were certainly not the blonde’s strong suit.

“How about a drink instead? It’s Friday night, neither of us have our kid, let’s live on the wild side.”

The smaller woman gave her a smile, tossing long, lightly curled blonde hair over her shoulder, and she turned to walk with Callie toward the exit. They both knew she’d say yes – with them, it was never a question of _if_ they’d meet up, it was simply a matter of _when_. And both of them were truly enjoying each other’s company again, so sex aside, it was never a hardship.

“I don’t know about living on the wild side, but the drink I will take.”

The cool night air enveloped them as they stepped outside, and Arizona pulled her scarf a little closer around her neck as Callie watched.

“Or…we could just go back to your place for a drink,” Callie suggested, sliding her hands into her pockets as they walked side by side, “Joe’s is probably crowded with residents and interns tonight.”

Arizona glanced sideways at the other woman, studying the view of her profile. Her incredibly _hot_ profile. She’d recently gotten her hair trimmed, the upkeep on her new style fairly frequent with the speed at which it grew, and although Arizona was well used to it by now – the sight was still ridiculously, stupidly attractive.

“We both know what’s going to happen if we go to my place.”

“And?”

They came to a stop by Callie’s car and the brunette raised a challenging eyebrow. They’d met up after a particularly grueling surgery of Arizona’s yesterday in the fifth floor on-call room, but that didn’t stop her from wanting to spend another night with the other woman’s body – she’d spend every night, if she could, and would never tire of it. She’d created a whole new map of her ex-wife’s body over the past month and a half, learning every new freckle and every part of her that was slightly more curvy, or slightly more defined. She had a new piercing on one ear – a tiny diamond stud along the upper curve that Callie was sure hadn’t been there six months ago – and a faint scar, about half an inch long, along her eyebrow that Callie _knew_ had never been there. She wanted to ask about it, but she never had. She didn’t ask much, really, about personal things – and neither did Arizona.

“And…” the blonde paused for a moment, a flirty smile playing at the edges of her mouth and dimples deepening slightly, “nothing. Sounds like a great plan to me.”

She glanced behind them in the parking lot before grasping the lapels of Callie’s jacket and pulling her in, leaving a searing kiss on her lips and lingering for the briefest of moments. She smelled of honey-tinged conditioner and lavender lotion, with the faint remnants of her perfume reaching Callie’s senses. Her scarf – impossibly soft pashmina, in a dark blue as brilliant as her eyes – brushed against Callie’s neck, and for that brief moment, with the damp chill of Seattle air around them…Callie felt completely, inexplicably happy. She felt whole, like her missing pieces were finally sliding into place, finally coming together like they were supposed to. She felt… _so much._

The orthopedic surgeon had returned to Seattle for Arizona, with nothing in mind but bringing them back together, but she had never anticipated the overwhelming emotions she’d feel in the other woman’s presence again. She’d never anticipated the strength, and the ferocity, and the all-consuming _need_ she would feel – like her very soul had met its match, like it was finally home.

She loved Arizona – she was more in love with her than she’d ever been, and she was sure her ex-wife felt the same. But their love was terrifying. It had been the most amazing thing in the world, the best and most brilliant feeling…and then it had been the most crushing, like a pendulum swinging wildly out of rhythm and smashing them to pieces in its path.

So Callie just smiled, tracing a finger down a pale, silky neck, and brown eyes met blue with a silent understanding.

“See you there.”

.

.


	9. Chapter 9

The wine was poured after the two women arrived at Arizona’s house, and a few more pleasantries were exchanged, but it was all quickly abandoned in favour of lips on lips and hands on bodies, the blonde situating herself on Callie’s lap and taking over control, the energy between them flowing easily.

She was still completely enamoured with the brunette’s hair. She always had been, really, but she found herself even more obsessed than ever before and she couldn’t – and didn’t want to – stop. A part of her missed the long, thick curtain of hair falling over her, but a bigger part just couldn’t get enough of the edgy, sexy style; something she never would have imagined seeing on her wife…her _ex_ -wife.

“Do you know how obsessed you are?”

Callie nipped at the smaller woman’s earlobe as fingers slid through her hair yet again, and Arizona tugged just a little at the strands, closing her eyes as she tilted her head back for Callie’s wandering lips.

“Do you know how hot you are?”

The brunette smirked against a delicate neck, laying kisses along the pale skin as she moved toward Arizona’s lips again. Her hands were firmly in place on slender hips, her fingertips slipping just under the waist of the blonde’s tight, black jeans, and the scent of her was overwhelming at this proximity – in the most amazing, all-consuming way. In a way that made Callie want to do all sorts of things to her – all sorts of naughty, _naughty_ things. In a way that heightened her attraction tenfold, made her _crave_ the other woman.

“Maybe you should tell me.”

She teased, biting at a soft lower lip before soothing it with her tongue, and tugging the other woman’s body even closer she captured her lips in a kiss, deepening it almost immediately as a soft groan left the blonde’s throat.

“This, Calliope…” Arizona let out her name on a breath, letting her fingertips graze along the razored sides and caress the back of the other woman’s neck, “is _fuck me_ hair.”

She let her hands slide upward again, slowly, tortuously making their way through soft strands, and Callie could feel her libido skyrocket – because _god_ , she’d missed Arizona’s dirty mouth in bed. It had only made an appearance a handful of times over the last six weeks, just as it had only ever appeared occasionally when they’d been together, when the mood was right. But when it happened…it was an entirely new level of attraction. It was an entirely different experience. It was a side of the bright, perky woman that very few knew, and Callie was pretty sure that _no one_ appreciated it like she did.

“Is that so…?” she lowered her voice, her hands sliding over the toned thighs straddling her lap, “and what are you going to do about that?”

Arizona leaned in and brought her lips to Callie’s ear, her warm breath skirting over sensitive skin, and with both hands now firmly grasping fistfuls of hair, she uttered words that almost made Callie melt on the spot.

“What do you think? I’m going to _fuck you_.”

_*_

 

They tumbled into bed upstairs, bits of clothing discarded along the length of the hallway, and the minute Callie was on her back Arizona was on top of her – straddling her hips and pressing her own into them as her hands caressed the bare torso in front of her.

She smoothed her hands along the soft, curved plains of Callie’s stomach, the skin under her touch almost miraculously perfect…amazingly beautiful. Arizona had always marveled at the other woman’s skin – the colour, the feel, the silky softness of it all. And she loved every change that had appeared over the years since they’d met, despite what Callie herself might feel. She loved the light stretch marks along the brunette’s lower abdomen – the evidence of their daughter growing inside. She loved the small scar from her c-section, and the larger, faded one down the middle of her chest, the one that meant she was a fighter. Her fingers slid across Callie’s rib cage, her hands curling around the sides of her breasts, and she lowered her lips to trail kisses along a perfectly-defined collarbone.  She loved it there too. She loved it all.

Callie was more than happy to let the blonde take control that night – any night, really – and her eyes fluttered shut when warm lips began to blaze across her skin. She felt Arizona trace her pulse point with her tongue, and a soft, flirty laugh sounded as the other doctor clearly felt her heartbeat increase.

“You seem a little worked up…”

Her voice was husky and warm – another thing Callie had always found exceptionally sexy – and she leaned up a touch, her hands wandering down to caress full breasts and tease them with an exquisite touch. She smiled devilishly when the brunette opened her eyes and she brought her mouth back to the other woman’s neck, and Callie could only groan loudly in response as she felt the blonde mark her – tongue and teeth and lips working magic against her skin.

She didn’t even care that it would probably show tomorrow. She’d wear a scarf for a week. Arizona could do anything she wanted to Callie…and there would be no argument had.

She watched as Arizona shifted away from straddling her and rid herself of her remaining clothes, and Callie willingly lifted her hips as the smaller woman tugged hers off as well. Darkening blue eyes met the ones below her and she trailed her fingers over the brunette, humming in pleasure as she lifted those same fingers to her lips a moment later, her tongue slowly running around them, her mouth sucking lightly. Callie watched in anticipation, the soft sound of the blonde’s moan filling the room, and as wet fingers lowered to brush along her inner thigh she let out a throaty sound of need.

“Arizona…”

The blonde just smiled, fingers tracing ever higher, and she moved herself back over her ex-wife, leaning down on her other forearm so she could hover over her. Wrapping her arms around Arizona’s neck, Callie leaned up and kissed her, her lips heated and needy and _desperate_ to feel more. She kissed her like it was the first time they’d touched – or like the last time they ever would. She kissed her like she’d die if she didn’t, and the smaller woman’s body radiated a glorious heat as she braced herself above her. She was surrounding her, closing her in and the rest of the world out, and it was all that mattered – it was all Callie could think about. Callie arched her back, feeling strong fingers poised against her, and her name escaped the blonde’s lips on a ragged, heavy breath.

“Calliope.”

And finally Arizona was filling her, completing her, and the brunette’s body shuddered as she buried her face in her neck and clutched at her back, nails dragging down porcelain skin. Her mind was suddenly clear of all but a single, fierce thought – one that was echoed in the blonde’s eyes as their gazes met; conveyed as loudly as if it had been spoken into the room.

 _Mine_.

.


	10. Chapter 10

Several, _several_ hours later the two women found themselves completely blissed out and completely exhausted, curled against each other on the bed as they caught their breath and let their bodies come down from the high. Arizona let her eyes flutter shut, her head against Callie’s shoulder and her arm draped around a soft waist; protective and a little possessive in its embrace. She murmured incomprehensibly as the brunette’s fingers played in her hair, smoothing through the silky curls and rubbing lightly against her scalp, and she sighed softly, perfectly content. It felt amazing – the entire evening had been amazing. _Everything_ Callie did was amazing.

“Don’t fall asleep on me now,” Callie teased, her voice soft as she dropped a kiss on her ex-wife’s temple, “I didn’t say I was done.”

"Mm, me neither. But this just feels nice.”

Dark eyes glanced down when the smaller woman spoke, the tone of her voice somehow different than the one Callie had heard the last few weeks – different than she’d heard in years. It was soft, and it was sweet, and it was genuine in its delivery – without the veil of indifference and the slight distance it had held since her return and their subsequent relationship. It was like the warmest hug on the coldest day of the year, like being wrapped in a blanket safe and comfortable. It was a voice that used to make Callie’s heart swell in her chest with absolute adoration, a voice that she’d fallen in love with a thousand times over, in a thousand different intimate moments. It was a voice she hadn’t been sure she’d ever hear again, not directed toward her, and it brought a tentative smile to her face as she pressed her nose to blonde hair, inhaling the scent that had always felt like home.

They fell into a comfortable silence, only soft breathing filling the room, until a few minutes later when a loud grumbling emanated from the blonde’s stomach and Callie couldn’t help but shatter the moment with a laugh.

"Hungry?”

Arizona tilted her head up and smiled sheepishly, her fingertips absently tracing along a soft abdomen.

“I didn’t really have lunch,” she admitted, “I was going to pick up some supper when we met in the lobby.”

“Say no more. I’m kind of hungry too.”

Callie stretched an arm out, reaching for the blonde’s cell phone that sat on the night table. Smiling at the lock screen photo of Sofia, she took a guess and tapped in what used to be her ex-wife’s password, not at all surprised when the phone immediately opened.

“You’re so predictable. Pizza?”

Rolling her eyes slightly, Arizona shifted onto her back, stifling a small yawn.

“Don’t forget the mushrooms. And extra–”

“Extra cheese, I know.”

Callie found the number of their favourite pizza place – the best in Seattle, no contest – and dialed in an order. Pepperoni and mushrooms, extra cheese, Italian seasoning on top. At least some things had never changed over the years, and Callie was pleased to see that Sofia and her weird little love for pineapple on pizza hadn’t rubbed off on her other mother either.

“It’ll be here in like twenty minutes.”

Tossing the phone back onto the nightstand, she looked sideways, dark eyes admiring the form of the woman beside her as she raised her arms into a lengthy stretch. Blue eyes met hers, and a mischievous smile quirked at Arizona’s lips a moment later.

“I know what we can do in twenty minutes.”

 

*

 

Callie scrambled to pull on her jeans and her shirt when the doorbell rang about twenty-five minutes later.

“I got it, I got it. You just stay here. Don’t move. Don’t get dressed.”

She headed for the stairs, trying to brush her hair back into some semblance of not looking like she’d just been having sex for hours, and a soft laugh rang out from the bedroom behind her.

“I won’t. Bring water!”

Once the food had been collected, she stripped back down and found herself back in the blonde’s bed, soft grey sheets wrapped around them loosely and the pizza box opened between them. Arizona had immediately reached for a slice to quell her rumbling hunger and the conversation continued to flow easily between them – like old friends, like best friends. Like…two people who were happy to be together.

“Sofia was telling me about this pizza place in New York a few weeks ago, and how they did it all wrong compared to Antonio’s. It sounded like a pretty serious deal. _All_ wrong.”

Callie laughed, picking up a second slice, and she leaned back on one arm comfortably.

“They really did though. She’s a stickler when it comes to her pizza. I think we tried every place in a twenty block radius before we found something acceptable.”

“She liked it though, didn’t she. New York? It sounds like you had a lot of fun.”

Callie looked over, trying to get a read on her ex-wife’s tone, but there was nothing in it that led her to believe it was more than a simple question.

“Yeah, I think she loved it. Except for you not being there. She liked exploring all the new places, and she made me keep a list so she’d remember what to show you when you came.”

“We should take her traveling more. Maybe I’ll take her to San Diego to see my parents this winter. We haven’t been there since she was a baby.”

Callie’s eyes roamed over the blonde’s face as she nodded in agreement, and they landed on the small, pale scar above her eyebrow, her curiosity finally getting the better of her.

“What’s this from?” she reached across, her thumb lightly brushing against the spot, “I couldn’t help but notice it. It’s new.”

There was a slight pause in the air between them, and Arizona reached up, her finger running over the barely visible mark. She seemed almost reluctant to tell, which only made Callie more curious and determined to find out.

“Oh, nothing. Just a little fender-bender.”

The brunette’s eyes immediately widened, concern etched across her face.

“You were in a car accident? Arizona, why didn’t you say anything? What happened?”

“Callie…”

She sighed, shrugging a shoulder lightly.

“Why would I say anything? You were across the country, we were barely speaking. I was fine and it was healed by the time I saw Sofia again anyway; there was no reason to worry either of you.”

“Still. You must have been–”

The concern on her ex-wife’s face was genuine, Arizona knew, and she reached out to reassuringly squeeze the other woman’s ankle – understanding exactly where she was coming from.

“For a second, yeah. Some guy clipped me when I was pulling out of the hospital parking lot, and I just hit the window frame enough for my sunglasses to smash into me and break. At least Sofia wasn’t with me though, so it was fine.”

Callie reached up again to brush her thumb over the scar, a visible tension leaving her body. Brown eyes met blue and held them for a long moment, and suddenly the realization of what they were doing slammed into the brunette like a tidal wave – pizza in bed, soft conversations at two in the morning, absentminded touches that felt completely second nature to both of them. The memory of a moment just like this, a night just like this nearly nine years ago rolled through her mind in the brightest living colour and she swallowed hard, dropping her hand almost as if she’d been burned.

“Arizona…” she spoke softly, her voice almost a whisper, “what are we doing?”

The question was innocent enough but Arizona knew the weight it held – had realized earlier the parallels between this night and another lifetime, a time when things had been so different. She’d tried not to remember, tried to push it to the furthest corner of her mind – but the truth was, she couldn’t push anything to do with Callie to the back of her mind. She couldn’t bury it, even years later. She’d never be able to.

She set the last of her crust down in the pizza box and licked her lips, wiping her hand across them slowly. The emotions that had been coursing through the blonde for weeks were an absolute rollercoaster, and truthfully, she didn’t know how to deal with them; she didn’t know how to _face_ them, let alone admit them out loud. But she did know that she had to stop the two of them from whatever was going to happen here because it felt like the only solution. Stop them from hurting each other any further, from inevitably repeating history yet again. Because she knew she couldn’t do it. Her heart wouldn’t survive it, and she didn’t think Callie’s would either. And no matter what else had happened between them, she would always protect Callie’s heart til her dying breath.

“You seemed to know what you were doing half an hour ago. We’re having fun, Calliope.”

Her voice carried a flirty, nonchalant tone as she tried to keep things light, but they both knew it was simply masking the emotions underneath. They’d been dancing around this for the last six weeks, around each other, but both women could feel that there was something happening between them besides sex – something blossoming, something evolving from the relics of the past. Callie knew her ex-wife like the back of her hand, and she knew when she was trying to close herself off, trying to distance herself from her emotions. For once…she wasn’t going to let her. For once, she was going to fight.

“Arizona…”

“Callie, I can’t.”

The smaller woman’s whispered words escaped her lips and carried across the bed as she gazed at her ex-wife, the pain and the longing suddenly evident in her eyes – those eyes that had always revealed everything. They revealed a deep kind of sadness now, and they revealed a deep seated fear – and Callie knew in that moment that she would have to be the brave one. This time, _she_ would be the good man in the storm. This time, she wouldn’t let them drown.

“I know you still love me.”

The blues of her eyes deepened slightly, and the desire to run was written clearly across Arizona’s face at Callie’s declaration.

“I knew. Six months ago…I knew. You came to my door with Sofia and you set me _free_ , Arizona. You gave up _everything_ …for me. And maybe I should have said something then, but you don’t do that for someone you don’t love.”

Arizona shook her head almost imperceptibly, finally tearing her gaze from Callie’s and pulling the sheet a little tighter around her body. She didn’t move away, but a palpable shift occurred in the air between them, something heavy settling like an anvil in the middle of the bed, like the biggest elephant in the room.

“It’s not like that…”

Her words were unconvincing, even to her own ears, but as Arizona’s heart pounded in her chest they were the only thing she could think to say. She couldn’t do this, she _wouldn’t_ do this, she wouldn’t open her heart again to the other woman when she wasn’t sure that the brunette felt the same way.

And even if she did, would it matter? Arizona had held out hope for a long time after their separation that they would somehow find their way home, but they never had, they’d only run further and further away from each other. And she’d convinced herself that maybe they just _weren’t_ meant to be, that no such thing existed.

“Then _tell_ me, Arizona, what is it like? Because I don’t think I can keep doing this. Not with you.”

The dark haired woman motioned between them, conflicting emotions evident in her eyes and in the hushed tone of her voice. She needed to hear the words. She needed to _know_ that her feelings weren’t unfounded, that the other woman still felt the same. She was terrified of what it might mean if she did, but more terrified of what it would mean if she didn’t. Because if she didn’t, this had to end. Callie couldn’t keep pretending that this was only sex, that there was no deeper connection between them. Not after the way Arizona had touched her last night, the way she’d spoken to her, looked into her eyes.

The smaller woman tilted her head back to look up at the ceiling, soft blonde hair cascading over her bare shoulders, and she blinked back the tears that were quickly gathering. She could either admit what her heart was screaming in her chest, risking heartbreak for them both, or she could deny it all, protecting Callie in the only way she knew how. Letting Callie be free of her, maybe once and for all.

In the operating room, she always knew what to do, but in this room, in this moment…Arizona Robbins had no idea what to say next.

“ _Tell_ me, Arizona. You have to say something.”

.


	11. Chapter 11

_“Tell me, Arizona. You have to say something.”_

 

*

 

Callie watched her ex-wife battling with herself, and she knew, she _knew_ without a doubt that she was right – she could see it in the other woman’s eyes, practically feel it, sense it in a way she couldn’t quite explain. This would be their last chance, the only chance they still had – and letting out a weighted breath, Callie decided that she would be the one to leap. She would take the risk for both of them.

“Because I’m still in love with you, too.”

Arizona’s eyes immediately met hers as the words left her mouth, something akin to surprise registering briefly but quickly being replaced by a look of pure, unadulterated awe. She held Callie’s gaze, her heart racing in her chest, but still she sat silently, a million things running through her mind. A million fears, a million hopes – a million _possibilities._

“I love you, Arizona. Still, again… _always_.”

Callie shook her head just a little, her voice soft and vulnerable as she reached out for the other woman’s hand. Arizona let her take it, the warmth from the other woman grounding her, and she swallowed the lump in her throat as the words she’d longed to hear for so long tumbled out of the beautiful brunette’s mouth yet again.

“I do – I love you. And I can’t keep doing this if you don’t feel the same way. Every time we’re together…every time I touch you—“ she looked down at their hands, her thumb stroking softly against pale skin, “I want more. So much more.”

Arizona knew in that moment that she had a choice to make. Callie was giving her a choice – she’d laid out everything the blonde had been wondering about, had been questioning, had been doubting since the other woman came back into her life. And…she’d been so sure she was wrong. She had barely dared to let herself imagine anything other than the purely physical relationship, anything other than stolen moments and nights spent in secret, anything more, anything _permanent_. Because if she let herself imagine it…she saw houses, and children, and vacations, and anniversaries. She saw laughs, and tears, and heartbreak, and…she saw happiness.

They’d been a disaster. Beautiful, powerful, awe-inspiring – but a disaster nonetheless. And it could happen again, they could break each other in a thousand different ways – break each other like nobody else ever could.

But as she looked at Callie again, blue eyes meeting brown and connecting in a way that anchored her very soul, she realized that maybe none of that mattered. Maybe loving each other, trusting in each other…maybe it really could be enough.

“I love you, too.”

The words tumbled from her lips in a whisper before she could stop them, before she could let herself over-think it anymore – a moment of courage surging forth from her whole being. And Callie’s entire expression changed in a heartbeat. Her eyes softened and she almost looked as if she could cry, a multitude of emotions flashing across her dark gaze in the briefest of moments. She smiled, just a little, and Arizona’s heart felt like it was bursting open – like something had finally been released inside of her, something that had been yearning to be free.

“Calliope Torres, I am so in love with you. I’ve always wanted everything with you.”

Her eyes fluttered shut for a moment and she let out a breath, her hand slipping from the other woman’s grasp. The truth was out – it hovered in the air between them, encircling them and echoing off the walls – but Arizona couldn’t help the slight clutch of fear that still attempted to take hold; to pull her back, to make her want to hide away.

“But you left.”

She looked at the brunette again, her head tilting slightly to the side as she considered what was transpiring between them.

“I set you free because I still loved you, but Callie – you _went._ You walked away.”

As soon as the words were spoken, both women knew the reference wasn’t simply about New York. And Callie knew that she had no good answer – there was no explanation, not really, except that walking away had been the only thing that felt right at the time. The only thing that felt possible, both times she did it. The only thing that felt like it could save her…save both of them. And that’s all she had ever really wanted, to save Arizona from any more hurt and heartbreak.

Six months ago, she couldn’t have given Arizona what she wanted. What she deserved. But now – Callie was prepared to give her everything.

 _”_ We were _so mad_ Arizona – we were so mad at each other…about Sofia, about New York…it wasn’t the right time…“

“But it wasn’t the first time,” Arizona interrupted, tucking hair back behind her ear, “you walked away from our marriage in the first place. _You_ decided we weren’t worth fighting for anymore, so if we…if we do this,” she waved between them vaguely, her heart fluttering at the mere thought, “how do I know you’re not going to give up again?”

“You didn’t come after me either.”

Blue eyes looked up to meet her gaze, and the smaller woman’s expression changed, her features twisting into a look of confusion.

“What?”

“You never came after me, not once. I may have been the one who walked out of that office, but you didn’t exactly ask me to stay. Or to come back.”

“Okay now, no, that’s not fair. Was I supposed to beg? Plead with you even more? _You_ wanted out. You made that very clear.”

Callie’s eyes fluttered closed for a brief moment, memories resurfacing that she’d rather have kept buried – memories of a time when their life had been in absolute shambles.

“But if you had asked–” she looked across the bed again, her voice softer, “I would have turned around. I would have done anything you asked, but you just let me walk away. You always let me walk away, Arizona.”

Arizona could only stare at her ex-wife, the reality of her words sinking in but yet still not assuaging any of her fears. She’d put _so_ much of herself into fighting for their marriage, fighting for Callie – for years she’d fought for them, and it had always seemed one-sided.

“You wouldn’t have changed your mind.”

“You don’t know that!”

Callie ran a hand back through her hair, the motion not going unnoticed by the other woman, and she looked up toward the ceiling, her voice almost incredulous when she spoke again.

“I don’t even know that. But that doesn’t change the fact that you just kept letting me go, you kept accepting defeat without a fight – and I don’t even know _why_.”

“I wanted you to be happy, Callie. You deserve to be happy.”

That really was the crux of it – it always had been. When she pushed Callie away before realizing she wanted children too, and when she pushed her away before leaving for Africa – she’d wanted what was best for the woman she loved. When she let her walk out of their therapist’s office and break up what was left of their marriage, when she sent her to New York to be with Penny – she’d wanted Callie to be _happy_ , even if that meant being without her. That’s all she ever wanted.

Callie let out a half laugh, shaking her head in disbelief. Disbelief that they were having this argument, _again_.

“You always say that.”

“It’s always true,” Arizona countered, pulling the sheet tighter around her chest, suddenly conscious of the fact they were naked, “because I love you more than you’ll ever know, Calliope.”

Callie looked up, meeting the other woman’s eyes and studying her for a long moment.

“That’s what this is, isn’t it? You still don’t think I could love you as much as you love me. You don’t think I’m capable.”

Now it was Arizona’s turn to shake her head in disbelief, and she reached up to wipe at her eyes, shifting toward the edge of the bed and reaching for her prosthetic. The sheet slipped away and Callie couldn’t help but let her eyes trail down the other woman’s back, tracing the beautifully toned muscles as she re-attached her leg and stood up.

“You are capable of so much love”

She picked up her shirt from the floor, slipping it on and doing up just enough buttons to cover her naked form. They were stripping each other’s emotions bare – stripping them _raw_ – and she couldn’t just sit there any longer and pretend this was a comfortable moment between them.

“Then why do you constantly think I don’t love you enough?”

Callie climbed off the other side of the bed, grabbing her shirt as well from where it had been tossed near the door.

“I don’t get it, Arizona. You either love me or you don’t. You either want to be with me or you don’t. But you can’t keep trying to push me away by saying _I’m_ the one who doesn’t want you.”

Her words were filled with a barely controlled anger, frustration simmering under the surface of her dark eyes. Arizona let out a weighted breath, her heart clenching painfully in her chest as she listened, and when she spoke she released nearly a decade’s worth of emotion that she didn’t even know she’d been holding on to.

“Because I am not good enough for you! I’ve never been enough for you!”

The ferocity with which the words were flung across the room took the brunette by surprise, and she stood there, in just her shirt and her underwear, staring at her ex-wife in shock.

“You wanted a wife, and you wanted children, you wanted someone who would be a good mother…”

Tears sprung to Arizona’s eyes and she wiped them away, tilting her head to the ceiling as if trying to fight the force of gravity and keep them inside. She looked so vulnerable, so open and honest and raw – but when she spoke again her voice was forceful as she practically shouted across the space in between them.

“And I was none of those things! I tried so hard, but I’ve proven it, haven’t I? I’m a bad wife, I’m a bad partner. Time after time. You made it so obvious, Callie – god, it was so obvious how you felt by the end. You didn’t believe me when I wanted us to try a surrogate, never believed I could share that dream with you. And you didn’t think I cared that I lost our second child. That _I_ lost it – _me –_ because apparently the goddamn universe didn’t think I was a good enough mother either. I don’t even know if you ever wanted to be married to me, Callie, or if it was just the idea of me you wanted, but either way, I sure wasn’t living up to it.”

The tears were flowing freely now and she squeezed her eyes shut, unable to even look at the woman across the room. She knew this would end in heartbreak. She knew this was inevitable and she’d let it happen anyway. She’d let it happen because for the briefest of moments, Arizona had thought that she had a chance at getting everything back again – everything she ever wanted.

“I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to live up to it. I love you _so much_ , but what if that isn’t enough?”

Running her hand back through long, blonde hair, the smaller woman let her gaze meet the one staring at her from across the bedroom. A moment of silence passed between them and she looked away, turning to face the head of the bed, the pain almost too much to bear.

But Callie crossed the room, a hand landing on Arizona’s waist and gently turning the other woman toward her, and as blue eyes met brown once again – both of them glistening with unshed tears – she cupped the blonde’s cheeks in her hands and forced her to hold her gaze.

“It’s enough. Arizona…you have always been enough.”

The look in her ex-wife’s eyes was enough to make Arizona believe her; the honesty, the absolute love radiating from her gaze enough to speak to Arizona’s soul as she pressed their foreheads together gently. Callie’s voice was soft but sure, and she spoke to the blonde like she was the only other person in the world that mattered.

Because to Callie, in that moment, she was.

“You were everything I’d always wanted. You were more than I’d ever even dreamed of. You still are.”

Unable to hold back another second, the need to show her love far too great to ever hold back again, Callie kissed Arizona – the touch at once immeasurably tender and completely possessive. It was a kiss unlike any they’d shared since Callie returned to Seattle, but it was a kiss they both wanted to experience again and again and again.

It was a kiss that spoke volumes, far more than any words ever could.

It was a kiss shared by two people completely and irreversibly… _in love_.

.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> But I know you and you know me, and I know you can see…
> 
> So help me get my way back to you.

Callie’s hands held Arizona’s face with a tender, almost reverent touch as they kissed – the sole focus of her mind at that moment, the only thing she could think about, the fact that Arizona _loved her too_. The other woman still loved her, was _in_ love with her…and Callie’s entire being felt lighter, happier, whole in a way it hadn’t in far too long. She felt free – truly free, at last – and as she held the other woman in her hands she realized how desperate she had been to feel this way again. How desperate she had been, without even knowing, for them to find their way back to each other.

The softest of sighs escaped her lips as she leaned their foreheads together again, her thumbs gently caressing the skin underneath them, stroking over the perfect curves and lines of the other woman’s face and coming to rest along the base of her neck.

“You don’t even know.”

Her words were murmured, her lips almost brushing against Arizona’s, and she let her eyes close for just a second, simply capturing the feeling floating through her body – wanting to remember it, to cherish it.

“You are _everything_ , Arizona. I took it for granted…how loyal you were, how much you loved me, how dedicated you were to our family and our life together.”

Dark eyes opened again, long eyelashes fluttering in front of Arizona’s gaze, and the look behind them was simply breathtaking to the blonde. The depth of emotion – of love – that Callie could convey with one look was beyond anything she’d ever seen before. It wasn’t something she’d ever seen in another person, but maybe, she could finally, truly acknowledge…that’s because no one else was Callie. No one else was _hers_ _,_ and she could look in every corner of the world, every corner of the universe, and never find another person like the one standing in front of her.

“I took for granted how amazing we were together. And I know I’m not giving you a lot to go on but faith, but I need you to have some faith in us. I’ll never leave again, Arizona. I can’t promise I’ll never hurt you, but I will _never leave_ again. You make me happier than I ever knew I could be, and if you let me, I’ll spend every day for the rest of my life making sure you feel the same. I’ll spend every day loving you.”

Somewhere along the way, throughout the years, Callie could recognize now that they had both gotten lost. And it wasn’t just the plane crash, and it wasn’t just the leg, and the trauma, and the losing of babies and the breaking of vows – it was promises that hadn’t been kept, on both their sides. It was trust that had been broken, splintered in ways that weren’t always blatant and obvious. It was small things, seemingly inconsequential things, that had slowly led them off course until they couldn’t even see the same path anymore. Until they couldn’t see _each other_ anymore.

But their paths were finally coming back together. They were seeing each other again, really seeing each other, and they were so, _so_ close to finding their way. And Callie knew, no matter how much she tried, how much she sought it out in other people, tried to replicate it…there would never be another feeling that could compare to loving Arizona Robbins.

And she wasn’t going to let her get away again. She wasn’t ever going to let her go.

“You’re my dream, Arizona.”

Callie swallowed the lump in her throat, squeezing the smaller hands that now held hers, their fingers intertwined, fitting perfectly together.

“You – only you. And I just want to be yours again, too.”

Arizona looked into her ex-wife’s eyes, the beautiful, soulful eyes that she could easily stare into for the rest of her life. They’d both done so much wrong over the years, but maybe this – right now – was the one thing they could do _right._ It would be a leap of faith, a huge one…but if they leaped together, Arizona felt sure that they could fly.

_“_ You always have been.”

She smiled softly, reaching a hand up to trace lightly along the other woman’s jaw, and she let out a breath as she slowly contemplated her next words.

“And I think I’m ready to have some faith, Calliope, but…if we do this…we leave our past at the door. I trust you, and you trust me. Because the only way this is going to work is if we face forward together.”

“The past will stay in the past,” the brunette nodded confidently, more than ready to agree to what the blonde was saying, “going forward together is the _only_ option.”

“What if Penny comes back after the grant is up?”

The question took Callie by surprise, seemingly coming out of nowhere, and she met Arizona’s gaze as she answered steadily, no trace of hesitation in her voice.

“We work with her, as professionals. She’s a good doctor, but that’s all she is to me now.”

“What if…I have to work with Lauren again?”

“Then you work with her,” Callie replied immediately again, her voice soft this time, with no trace of hurt or anger or jealously, “I trust you to be around her, Arizona.”

“What if we have more kids?”

The next question left Arizona’s lips almost unbidden, but once it was out there, blue eyes met brown expectantly as she waited for an answer. Because kids had been a struggle for them, again and again, but Arizona would be lying to herself if she said the possibility didn’t still linger at the back of her mind.

Callie could only smile at that, a genuine look of joy crossing her face as she took the smaller woman’s hands in hers again.

“We’ll decide how we want to do it, together. And no matter what happens…if our ten kids start to gang up against us…we’ll be in it – together. I’ll have your back, and you’ll have mine.”

Arizona couldn’t help but return the smile, seeing the look of hope on Callie’s face as she gazed at her.

“What if we…never get married again?”

The last question was voiced more quietly than the rest, almost hesitantly, and Callie studied her ex-wife for a moment as she considered her answer. Did Arizona not want to be married again, if they got back together? Callie knew she would – would marry the blonde again in a heartbeat – but although marriage had _always_ been a part of her dreams, she realized now it actually would no longer matter. That piece of paper had never done them, or her, any favours in the past…so maybe it wasn’t really as important as she’d always thought. As long as she could have Arizona, that’s all she really needed.

So she shrugged lightly, a smile playing at the corners of her lips again as she answered.

“As long as we can be together, I don’t think it matters.”

Dimples appeared on the face in front of her, a stunning smile lighting up the room. Callie could feel her heartbeat speed up, her heart leaping into her throat at the possibilities that were opening up in front of her.

“Arizona…I’m in, for good. Are you?”

Tangling their fingers together again, Arizona leaned in closer, pressing the softest kiss to the other woman’s lips as she spoke without hesitation.

“I’m in.”

She kissed Callie again, smiling against her lips, and pulled back after a moment to rest her hands around the brunette’s waist.

“But this is the last time!”

She laughed then, and the sound was like music to Callie’s ears – possibly the most beautiful sound in the world at that moment. Blue eyes sparkled in the soft light of the room, and her hands slipped under fabric to rest against the bare skin underneath, her touch soft and warm and possessive in a way that warmed Callie’s heart and sent her pulse skyrocketing to the moon.

“You better believe it’s the last time.”

She grinned happily as she slid her fingers through silky blonde hair, curling them around to pull Arizona closer, and she kissed her with barely restrained control, the sigh that fell from the other woman’s lips all the promise and encouragement she needed.

They were in _. Together._

 

*

“Oh, god, Calliope…”

Arizona’s entire body shuddered, her words uttered with a groan as her fingers grasped at the pillow and the sheets below. Callie smiled slightly above her, brushing long, blonde hair out of the way as she made her way up the smaller woman’s body, a trail of kisses being placed delicately along her spine as she went. They’d already…consummated their reconciliation, as it were, but the brunette couldn’t get enough of her – couldn’t stop herself from feeling toned muscles and soft curves in her hands, from tasting the blonde’s skin under her lips. It was something Callie certainly hadn’t appreciated enough in a past life – or had forgotten, somehow – and she intended to spend every moment possible making up for it now.

“You’re beautiful.”

She murmured almost reverently against the bottom of a shoulder blade, continuing the gentle path of kisses up the middle of the blonde’s back, along her shoulders and the base of her neck, over the light sprinkling of freckles that marked her pale skin. Arizona truly was beautiful – she was breathtaking in a way that Callie would never be able to describe in words – and just the thought that she was letting Callie back into her life, letting Callie love her again…was overwhelming in the most amazing way.

She kissed the back of a soft neck again and smoothed her hand along the spine she’d just lavished with attention, slowly and carefully exploring the body beneath her. Arizona let out a soft, content sigh, arching her back as Callie’s lips found a sensitive spot, but she remained mostly still and quiet – as if sensing that the other woman needed a few moments, needed to simply be close to her.

Arizona understood, because she needed it too.

They were taking a leap of faith together, but Arizona was no longer afraid of the outcome. She felt sure, in every corner of her heart, that this was their time – that this was the time that would last forever – and she couldn’t _wait_ to spend every day of her life loving Callie. Loving Callie and being able to show her, to tell her. It was a feeling unlike any other.

“Come here.”

She murmured softly, shifting and rolling over underneath the other woman until they were face to face, and her hands caressed the line of Callie’s jaw, her thumbs smoothing tenderly underneath the most gorgeous brown eyes in the world.

“Make love to me, Calliope.”

And with those soft, whispered words, it was as if the blonde had healed something inside both of them. Like a scar created long ago was finally smoothing over, only the faintest reminder remaining behind. They’d been together again for almost seven weeks, almost two months of falling into each others’ arms, into each others’ beds, touching and kissing and being intimate in every sense of the word. Nearly two months of sharing a connection that was as emotionally powerful as it was physical, but that was tenuous and fragile all the same; a fine thread almost waiting to snap at the wrong moment, with the wrong words. But now, everything was different. As hands roamed over bare skin and lips met with sighs and moans of pleasure, as silken hair fell between them, and warm breath skirted over already heated bodies, it was different because _they_ were different, their hearts were beating as one.

Finally, they could allow themselves to feel the love freely – to know that it surrounded them, to know with certainty that every touch meant so much more than it ever had before.

And as Callie filled the blonde, her touch reaching deeply inside and stroking the most intimate parts of her body, coaxing her to let go, to let nothing but pleasure take over – she watched the blue eyes she loved deepen with desire and emotion, their look conveying a million things that could never be put into words. Her hands grasped at Callie’s hair, pulling her ever closer, pulling her lips toward her until she could meet them with a desperate kiss – a kiss that completed the connection between them – and a moment later, a loud moan sounded into the room. The brunette’s name fell from Arizona’s lips as fireworks erupted between them, and for a blinding moment, all that existed was the two of them. All that existed was the overwhelming feeling that everything had finally been set right. Everything was finally as it should be.

They were home.

.

 


	13. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> But when you’ve found a good one,
> 
> Don’t you let her get away, don’t let her go
> 
> .
> 
> Okay folks…this is how their story ends. I told myself from the beginning that I wasn’t going to plan this fic, I was just going to write until it felt like the end, until it felt like a natural place to leave them. And this is it. I’m really happy with how it turned out, and I hope you are too.
> 
> Thank you so, so, so much for reading along. Your love of this story is more appreciated than you know. :)

Callie couldn't help but smile at her phone as she looked at the text that had just come through - a page from one of the nurses at the main desk, telling her she'd received a non-urgent delivery and it was waiting in the lobby. On any other day, she wouldn't think much of it, expecting it to be some research papers or journals, and she would find her way downstairs when she had the time, but today - on a rare, beautiful sunny fall day - she had a slight inkling of what it might be, and she couldn't help but be excited by the prospect.

And she wasn't wrong when she arrived in the main foyer, a wide grin spreading across her face as the nurse behind the desk handed her a large, beautifully arranged bouquet of her favourite flowers, a tiny card tucked neatly inside, just visible behind the leaves.

"Must be from someone special."

"Oh, they are. Someone very special."

The brunette turned to head upstairs toward her office, inhaling the fragrant blooms in her arms, and only once she was settled inside, the bouquet arranged on the corner of her desk, did she pull out the little envelope, slipping it open to read the card. She didn't really need to open it to know who the flowers were from - she'd recognize that handwriting anywhere - but when she read the note inside she could feel her heartbeat speed up just a little, a smile spreading across her face at the simple words written there.

_I love you. Today and always._

_Arizona_

It was their anniversary – the most important one - and although Callie had been in surgery all day, the blonde had been off and at home, no doubt planning some kind of surprise for their evening. It could be anything, Callie knew from experience, but this year was somewhat of a milestone in their relationship and if Arizona's excitement over the past week had been any indication...she was planning something that was bound to be amazing.

But then again, Callie had planned a little something of her own. Her something simply involved a gift, but it was one she was fairly certain her wife would enjoy - and she couldn't wait to see the look on her face when she opened it. She couldn't wait to see the way her eyes would light up, the way her smile would brighten the room, the way the dimples she adored would make an appearance as she pulled Callie into a hug.

She couldn't wait to make Arizona happy. She couldn't wait to show her how much she loved her.

Just like every other day.

.

*

.

Opening the door to their home later that evening, Callie had barely gotten inside when a small, dark blonde, four-year-old bundle of energy came running into the front hall, careening around the corner and sliding to a stop on the hardwood floor. Little arms were wrapped around her in an instant, and the brunette couldn't help but laugh as big blue eyes sparkled up at her from the tiny girl below - the miniature version of Arizona who had stolen her heart a long time ago. Who had, truthfully, stolen it the minute their surrogate had called them with the news, and who had owned it ever since - sharing it only with her biological mother and her older sister. Callie was entirely consumed by the three women in her life, her three true loves, and she wouldn't have had it any other way, in any other lifetime. They were everything she'd always been looking for - and she couldn't help but feel like they were _all_ meant to be; meant to be each others'.

"Mama you're home!"

"Hey, sweetie! You're home too!"

Reaching down, she wrapped her daughter in a warm embrace before standing and shrugging her jacket off, and the small girl giggled at her response, pulling back to brush long blonde bangs out of her face as two dimples appeared with her smile.

"I've been home for hours!"

"Did you make supper? Something smells good in here."

"No, but mommy did."

Callie raised her eyebrow slightly, crouching down to meet the child's gaze head-on. She was smart and beautiful and kind - the spitting image of her other mom - but she was a little bit of a firecracker too, a trait that seemed to run on _both_ sides of the family. The two of them had developed a special bond over the years...and as she grew older, they'd come to share a certain fondness for teasing the elder blonde, Callie's personality clearly rubbing off on the youngest member of the family. It was only fair, after all, because their other daughter was always on Arizona's side, and although there may not be ten of them - Callie needed _somebody_ in her court.

"Uh oh."

The little girl just grinned, placing her hands seriously on her mother's shoulders, and she raised her eyebrows in a very similar motion, trying to mimic the obvious skepticism.

"It's safe, don't worry. Sofia helped her. I watched."

The brunette laughed then, pressing a kiss to the soft little cheek in front of her and bringing her in for another quick hug. She couldn't help but marvel at the perfection their lives had become; the pure, unadulterated joy she felt every time she stepped into their home. It may have taken them years, and it may have taken them incredible heartbreak to figure things out, but the last time Arizona and she had promised to love each other, they had meant it with every fibre of their beings. This time, they had kept all their promises and more, and they had nothing but happiness to show for it. Callie knew she could never regret a minute of the time she and Arizona had known each other – whether it was together or apart – because somehow, it had all led them to this.

Scooping up their youngest daughter after a moment and settling her against her hip, the brunette let out an exaggerated sigh of relief, winking playfully as the child giggled in her arms. She'd never get tired of any of this.

"Phew! Let's go see what they're up to."

.

*

.

Stepping into the kitchen, the brunette set their daughter down and simply looked over at the woman and older girl near the stove, taking in the domestic scene that had become commonplace over the years. Arizona's back was to her, her hair shorter than Callie was used to - newly cut just to her shoulders, much like it had been the first time they met - and she was stirring something in a large pot while Sofia looked on, arguing about whatever was written on the iPad in her hands.

"No, it says just keep stirring, mom. Don't add anymore broth. You gotta wait it out."

"There has to be more liquid than this, Sof - this can't be right. I want it to be perfect."

"I'm reading the recipe! Just stir!"

The blonde glanced over her shoulder, sensing her wife's presence in the room, and a smile lit up her face as whatever recipe troubles she was having were immediately forgotten. She'd been thinking of the other woman all day - she did every day, really - and now that she was home again nothing else really mattered to Arizona. It was their anniversary - not the one of their marriage, but the anniversary of the day they'd gotten back together, the anniversary of their new start. In a way, it was even more important to the blonde, even though they'd gotten married again four weeks later. It was more significant somehow, because that had been the day they promised to love and trust each other again, the day they let each other in, the day they became _them_ again. There had been a lot of happy days in Arizona's life since that night, but that would forever remain one of the most amazing moments she could remember.

Crossing toward her, Callie dropped a soft kiss on Sofia's head before sliding her arms around a slim waist, her chin coming to rest on Arizona's shoulder as she placed a kiss just below her ear. The feel of the gentle embrace sent a shiver down Arizona's spine, and she let her body rest back against her wife's for a moment, the other woman's warmth and familiar scent surrounding her.

"Hey, beautiful," Callie spoke softly in her wife's ear, the reaction not going unnoticed, "thank you for the flowers. I loved them."

Arizona turned her head and smiled briefly, her weight still settled comfortably against the brunette, a warm feeling still spreading throughout her body.

"I think I ruined my surprise dinner though. Or at least the risotto part...it was supposed to be _really_ good. I watched that guy make it on the Food Network, and it looked easy enough!"

She sighed, half-heartedly giving the pot another stir as Sofia leaned closer to peer inside it, and the young girl wrinkled her nose at the slightly burnt bits that were visible throughout.

"Yeah I don't think it's supposed to look like that, mom."

Callie could only laugh as her wife turned in her arms with a dismayed look, and she hooked her arms behind Arizona's hips at the same time the smaller woman brought hers up to wrap around the brunette's neck. She never ceased to be utterly adorable, and Callie almost couldn't stand it.

"How about we order pizza instead?"

A chorus of agreement rang out from both children, and Arizona rolled her eyes slightly, a smile playing at the corners of her lips. She knew that's what Callie would suggest for supper tonight, she always did, and so she just leaned in a fraction closer, dropping a warm kiss on deliciously soft lips as she hummed in agreement as well. Pizza was, after all, where this whole thing had started. Both times, in fact. So if there was any meal worthy of their anniversary celebration...

"Pizza sounds perfect."

.

*

.

When their daughters were tucked in and fast asleep several hours later, the two women found themselves in the bedroom, both more than ready to finally spend some time just the two of them. They'd considered getting a sitter - they considered it every year - but every year they came to the same conclusion, that they'd rather spend a part of their night with their children, even if it was _their_ anniversary. Because as Arizona always pointed out, and Callie always agreed upon, the girls were both as much a part of this new life as the two adults were.

"Five years...can you believe it?"

Arizona emerged from the bathroom tying her robe, a beautiful smile gracing her features as she met her wife's eyes across the room. It had been five years since the fateful night they decided to be together, decided to take a leap of faith, and not a minute had gone by that Arizona wasn't eternally grateful that they had jumped and they had _flown_. It hadn't been an easy path, coming to the final decision, but both women could easily say it had been the best decision of their lives - they'd chosen each other, and they'd continued to do so every single day since.

She watched the brunette as she turned and came toward her, and the mere look in Callie's eyes was enough to send Arizona's pulse into overdrive - sometimes, she still couldn't believe how _much_ Callie loved her, how much she loved with her entire heart and soul. She knew, of course she knew - and the other woman told her every day - but it was still a feeling that left Arizona in complete and utter awe because she simply couldn't believe how lucky she was to have found her. To have found her _twice_. It was more than most people could ever hope for in a lifetime, and certainly more than Arizona had ever dared to think she deserved. But their stars had aligned, and something had kept pulling them back together, and the only thing the blonde could believe now was that they were simply meant to be.

"I can believe it," Callie smiled easily in response, reaching up to slide her fingers through blonde curls, "they've been a pretty amazing five years."

Dark eyes watched her for a minute, and as she did every year on this same date, Callie pressed her lips softly to the other woman's, kissing her slowly before she pulled back a fraction to murmur her next words.

"Promise me another year?"

And with the same answer she'd been giving for the last four anniversaries - the only answer she'd ever give, that they'd _both_ ever give, Arizona smiled, blue eyes meeting brown with a look of complete adoration.

"I promise you forever."

Callie grinned happily - completely enamored with the woman in front of her. She reached over to the dresser beside them and slid a plain white envelope off the surface, holding it up to the blonde, and blue eyes glanced at it questioningly before looking up to meet her own again.

"Happy anniversary."

Arizona took the envelope and opened it carefully, pulling out the cardboard sleeve that rested inside. Her eyes immediately widened in realization at what it was, and she opened it, reading the tickets in her hand as her entire face lit up in the most beautiful way.

"Calliope Iphegenia Robbins-Torres."

The name tumbled from her lips almost musically, a soft sigh leaving her chest as blue eyes met brown.

"We're going to Spain."

"We're going to _Spain_ \- just you and me."

Callie had remembered.

It seemed like a hundred years ago, like an entirely different lifetime ago when the two of them had talked about this trip - they had fought about this trip, and then had promised each other this trip, and had never followed through in all the years that had come after. It was silly now, thinking back to how much they argued, but the fact remained that Callie had _remembered_. She'd been wanting to plan it for years now, and finally, the timing had seemed right. And the look on Arizona's face was everything she'd hoped for and more - like a ray of sunshine, like the first sign of light in the early morning dawn.

The smaller woman wrapped her arms around Callie's neck and kissed her, and unlike the earlier kisses of the evening, this one was filled with fire and passion and a feeling Callie didn't even know how to describe. When they finally broke apart, foreheads resting easily against each other, Arizona was the first to speak, her words soft and low and warm.

"I love you. I love you so much."

She lingered for a moment, long eyelashes fluttering shut, but then she let Callie go, her lips turning up into a smile as she set the plane tickets aside. Her hand went to the belt on her robe, her eyebrow raising ever so slightly, and with a few slow steps she backed her wife across the room, guiding her toward the bed.

"And I have a gift for you, too."

"Oh yeah? What is it?"

The brunette grinned, a teasing lilt to her voice, and she let the other woman nudge her down until she was comfortably settled on the bed, her elbows holding her up as she watched pale fingers pulling slowly at the silken belt. The fabric slipped from Arizona's shoulders to fall in a pool on the floor, and Callie almost felt her heart stop beating as her eyes traveled up the magnificent body suddenly laid out in front of her - a body clad only in a _very_ scant amount of red satin and lace; every curve, every toned muscle accented to perfection. The smaller woman gave her a sexy smile, blonde curls bouncing as she climbed onto the bed to kneel above her, and in that moment, for one of the first times in her life...the fiery brunette was left absolutely speechless. The sight of the beauty above her left Callie breathless - and as her hands reached up to smooth along perfect thighs, to trace over the glorious curve of hips covered in lace, she could do nothing else but look up in awe at the beautiful blue eyes that were watching her.

Arizona leaned down, bracing her arms so she could hover only inches above her wife, and she began a soft trail of kisses along the other woman's collarbone, her lips pressing lightly, her tongue teasing mercilessly as she made her way up the side of her neck and along the sensitive curve of her ear.

"Oh...I think you'll know."

Her lips curved into a smile against Callie's ear and her hand lifted to slide through dark, silky hair, her own body shuddering lightly at the feel of her wife's warm skin and soft curves beneath her. Callie's hands wanted to be everywhere at once, and they slid under red satin, over the smooth skin of Arizona's stomach, they grasped at hips that ground against her; they trailed along the perfect curve of her spine, into loose blonde curls at the nape of her neck.

The best gift either could imagine was each other, and that was truly all they ever wanted - tonight, and every night to come. It was all right here, in the meeting of lips and the grasping of hair, in the sighs and murmured words, in the intimate touches and the warmth of each others' bodies.

They loved each other, and they were _together_.

And for the remainder of their lives...none of the rest of it mattered.

.

.


End file.
